25. learning to fly

As I was leaving school today I began thinking of my upcoming birthday.

I thought about how 25 seems like such a big deal, a quarter of a century, a clear landmark in a lifetime.  I thought about how I should probably make a bigger deal about it, I thought about what it would be like to look back and think with regret that it passed by too subtly.  I thought about what a pity it is that I am so busy that I cannot do more for my 25th and make a bigger deal about it.  I mean, I only turn 25 once…

Then I politely removed my head from my hind and started thinking clearly.

This is what I got:

First off, I only turn EVERY age once.  That is how time and aging works.  Its a one shot deal.  Secondly, I’ve never really been a fan of odd numbers anyways, so its not really about 25 being a special number.  I mean, I wake up at 5:02, 6:04, 4:32 or some other nice, even number to start my day off properly.  So why make a fuss over an odd number now?

Don’t get me wrong, I am very excited about 25.  I know it will be beautiful, it is glowing with opportunity and joy already.  But the thing was, I wasn’t thinking about experiences and potential, I was thinking about making a fuss.

But that isn’t what makes 25 significant.  The fuss and the number and the expectations don’t matter.  What matters are the 25 beautiful years of life that I have lived so far.

So now I’m going to reflect on those.

YEAR ONE:

hehe i’m kidding.  i’m not going to really go into that much detail.

I am one blessed lady.  Today, Friday and Saturday have been packed to the gills with plans to visit with friends and family.  They are the ones who have helped make my life so incredible.

Have you ever felt unconditional love?  It is the best feeling in the world.  It feels like your soul is set free. It is this free feeling that has allowed me to take chances and try things that I normally would be so scared to do.

In the past few years I have reconnected with family, lived in another country (where I went by myself), totally redirected my career path, graduated with my bachelor’s degree, formed and maintained wonderful relationships and gotten closer with my loved ones, myself and God.

Life is scary.  Making decisions and creating change is difficult, but with the unconditional love and support from others, that scary edge is taken off.  It isn’t gone exactly, but its a little more rounded.

I know that regardless of the silly mistakes I make and the countless times I seek perfection only to end up short, my friends and family will love me anyways.  What an awesome life.

So whatever I end up doing for my birthday, I know that the next year will be great.  There will be struggle, but it will come with growth.  And throughout it all, I know I will be with the people I care about and who care about me.  I know that I will continue to prove myself to myself.  I know that I will laugh about everything under the sun (including when my instructor is discussing Pannus and it sounds like penis…super mature).  The point is, I know it will be great because it has been great and I believe wholeheartedly that I am here to enjoy life, to love and to feel loved.

I’m not too sure if any of this really makes sense.  Its wordy and there are no photos.  I’m tired, hungry and a little nauseous from taking vitamins on an empty stomach.  I’m pretty sure that any reader interested may have stopped by paragraph 2.  Little did those people know that if they continued to read, they too would know about my upset tummy due to vitamin intake.  Riveting stuff here people!

I’m going to end this with a couple of random memories that are swimming around my head and making me smile.  and and and.  Its (almost) my birthday and I can run-on sentence if I want to.  And use nouns as verbs.  I can do that too.  Well, and because this is a blog and blogs are lawless.  Except for this one, because that is my name.  So this blog is Law-full.  But regulation-less.  That’s more accurate.  Hmph.  On to the memories!

-There is a photo from when my sister and I were tiny kiddos (i was like 2).  She is dressed in her holiday best and sitting nicely in front of the Christmas tree and smiling (super cute).  I, on the other hand, am totally naked, standing wide-eyed next to the tree.  It is as if a National Geographic image was imposed onto my family’s Christmas card.  I was a wildling.

-One time I cried at my birthday party and got in trouble.  I remember distinctly thinking that it was not right that I was in trouble because the song says, “Its my party, I can cry if I want to.”  I think I was 4.  I took that song very seriously.

-At my birthday party when I was ten or eleven, I got an orange mesh-like shirt.  I decided the best thing to wear under this was a bright blue sports bra that I’m pretty sure I stole from my mom.  She tried to convince me not to wear it.  I didn’t listen and now photos exist of this great outfit.  Super classy.

-When we were little, my sister and I went to a neighbor’s birthday party.  After everyone sang Happy Birthday, my sister blew out the candles.  The birthday girl cried.  But I think my sister deserved the birthday wish anyways.

Well, I am one sleepy lady.  My mind is filled with good, silly memories and I have a feeling I am in for a great night’s rest.

Thank you for being in this world.  I am glad I am here and I am glad you are too.

Courtney