Sunday Morning Gratitude

There is no denying it.  I live a blessed life.  Somehow though, I find ways to forget this fact and sit on the pity pot from time to time.  To combat this poopy perspective, I am reinstating…

SUUNNDAAAY MORNING GRATITUUUDE!

Did you all read that in an omnipresent, echoey voice?  That’s how it was intended.

 

Anyways.  Here we go.

  • Sunshine!  Goodness gracious I’m glad Spring is back!  As I get older, time simultaneously seems to move faster, but seasons seem further away.  It truly makes no sense at all… Also, I tend to look glorious in the beaming light.
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what an angel.
    • My little fur-maniacs.  These ladies would carry me out of bed if they had the strength.  Instead, they pull at the covers, lick my face, bark at me, and paw at my pillow until I get up to take them out.  Although this can be quite an annoying way to begin a day; it makes me get up and outside.  I immediately feel better with some fresh air and getting to see their happy tails wagging on our walk.
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they mean business.
  • Healthy eating.  I’ve been much more mindful about my eating in the past few months and it has made an enormous difference in how I feel.  This is an obvious connection I know, but still it is easy for me to forget how good it feels to feel good.
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putting the ‘rock’ back in rocket.
  • My hubs.  I didn’t expect marriage to feel any different, especially since we’d been together for 8 years. But man, its wonderful.  I often sit back and think how did I get so lucky?  Me? Cranky, stinky, odd me? The support, love, and laughter this guy brings into each day is amazing.
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i stalk him like paparazzi.
  • Sandal weather.  Yes this goes along with sunshine, but I am so happy to bust out my Birks! I have already begun crafting perfectly styled outfits with them. Example below.
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watch out Vogue.

That’s all for this week.  I am grateful of SO much more, but one can only spend so much time on a computer during a lovely Sunday.  Plus a shower is now waaaay overdue.

Courtney

 

to be honest.

Now this isn’t one of those TBH then you say something super rude, but somehow justify it in the name of honesty.

There are a lot of things I can be honest about that would just make it clear that I have a lot of “hyper douche” thoughts from time to time.  Just because its honest, doesn’t mean it needs to be said.

Well that’s a tangent.  No surprise to anyone I’m sure. TBH I’m not the most to-the-point writer of all time.

I often use this blog for personal reflection.  It is an avenue for me to allow my thoughts to freely wander outside of my skull, when I want to overanalyze them instead.  Some topics can swirl around my brain, meandering through the lobes and grooves indefinitely.

Lately that topic has been grad school.  I have assumed I would go to grad school for a long time.  It became a constant when I thought about my future.  I think that becoming a nurse practitioner would be incredible.  I love the scope of practice, the direct patient relationship, the opportunity for outreach, and the new challenges that would come with each day.

However, I am beginning to feel like I burned myself out last year.  I worked full-time in a relatively new position, completed my online BSN bridge program (subsequently graduating with my 2nd Bachelor’s degree), planned a wedding, and got married.  It was a lot.  Granted, it was a lot of beautiful, wonderful things, but still, it was a LOT.  I didn’t pause, but instead chugged on forward into a graduate statistics course needed to apply to the graduate nursing program of my choice.

As the sun comes out and Spring envelopes us, I just want to pause.  I crave peace, creativity, and free afternoons.  When I drive past parks and scroll through baby-filled Instagram posts, I long for a family of my own.  I have had the same note on my to do list for TWO MONTHS: Pick up wedding photo USB.

I haven’t stopped to get and enjoy my own freaking wedding photos.  I want to make them into a simple, but beautiful photo book that we can page through.  I want to complete our thank you notes! Yes! They exist!  We have filled out about 20/100.  They’ll only be like 6 months late….

So currently my graduate school application is complete for all but one piece.  The personal statement declaring why I want to go to grad school (plus many other relevant points that I won’t summarize here).  But honestly, right now I don’t know if I do want that.

I have to mention that writing this is terrifying.  I am so supported and encouraged by my loved ones.  Letters of recommendation are done for Heaven’s sake! I don’t want to let people down.  I don’t want to let myself down.

But I also don’t want to push myself to the point of exhausted frustration, and that’s what I’m really worried about.

So what do I do?  Maybe complete the application, allow myself to rest after and decide then.

I may not get in.

I may feel rested after a summer off of school and feel totally ready to embark on a new Edventure (new word, adventure in education!).

I may be going through fear of change.

I may by hyper-distracted by my lovely ovaries and this need to have and hold a little babe is distracting me from my other goals.

I may be a lot of things.

I am definitely confused.  So what to do.

For now, I’m going to go to the bathroom.  I’m writing this at a coffeeshop and I don’t want to leave my computer and stuff at the table, so I’ve REALLY been postponing a needed visit to the ladies #myeyeballsareswimming .

After that, I’m just not sure.  But I do know that I feel better after getting bit of my overthinking out.  Thanks guys.

I hope you are all able to go out and enjoy whichever beautiful day it is when you’re reading this.

Courtney