Sunday Morning Gratitude

There is no denying it.  I live a blessed life.  Somehow though, I find ways to forget this fact and sit on the pity pot from time to time.  To combat this poopy perspective, I am reinstating…

SUUNNDAAAY MORNING GRATITUUUDE!

Did you all read that in an omnipresent, echoey voice?  That’s how it was intended.

 

Anyways.  Here we go.

  • Sunshine!  Goodness gracious I’m glad Spring is back!  As I get older, time simultaneously seems to move faster, but seasons seem further away.  It truly makes no sense at all… Also, I tend to look glorious in the beaming light.
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what an angel.
    • My little fur-maniacs.  These ladies would carry me out of bed if they had the strength.  Instead, they pull at the covers, lick my face, bark at me, and paw at my pillow until I get up to take them out.  Although this can be quite an annoying way to begin a day; it makes me get up and outside.  I immediately feel better with some fresh air and getting to see their happy tails wagging on our walk.
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they mean business.
  • Healthy eating.  I’ve been much more mindful about my eating in the past few months and it has made an enormous difference in how I feel.  This is an obvious connection I know, but still it is easy for me to forget how good it feels to feel good.
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putting the ‘rock’ back in rocket.
  • My hubs.  I didn’t expect marriage to feel any different, especially since we’d been together for 8 years. But man, its wonderful.  I often sit back and think how did I get so lucky?  Me? Cranky, stinky, odd me? The support, love, and laughter this guy brings into each day is amazing.
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i stalk him like paparazzi.
  • Sandal weather.  Yes this goes along with sunshine, but I am so happy to bust out my Birks! I have already begun crafting perfectly styled outfits with them. Example below.
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watch out Vogue.

That’s all for this week.  I am grateful of SO much more, but one can only spend so much time on a computer during a lovely Sunday.  Plus a shower is now waaaay overdue.

Courtney

 

to be honest.

Now this isn’t one of those TBH then you say something super rude, but somehow justify it in the name of honesty.

There are a lot of things I can be honest about that would just make it clear that I have a lot of “hyper douche” thoughts from time to time.  Just because its honest, doesn’t mean it needs to be said.

Well that’s a tangent.  No surprise to anyone I’m sure. TBH I’m not the most to-the-point writer of all time.

I often use this blog for personal reflection.  It is an avenue for me to allow my thoughts to freely wander outside of my skull, when I want to overanalyze them instead.  Some topics can swirl around my brain, meandering through the lobes and grooves indefinitely.

Lately that topic has been grad school.  I have assumed I would go to grad school for a long time.  It became a constant when I thought about my future.  I think that becoming a nurse practitioner would be incredible.  I love the scope of practice, the direct patient relationship, the opportunity for outreach, and the new challenges that would come with each day.

However, I am beginning to feel like I burned myself out last year.  I worked full-time in a relatively new position, completed my online BSN bridge program (subsequently graduating with my 2nd Bachelor’s degree), planned a wedding, and got married.  It was a lot.  Granted, it was a lot of beautiful, wonderful things, but still, it was a LOT.  I didn’t pause, but instead chugged on forward into a graduate statistics course needed to apply to the graduate nursing program of my choice.

As the sun comes out and Spring envelopes us, I just want to pause.  I crave peace, creativity, and free afternoons.  When I drive past parks and scroll through baby-filled Instagram posts, I long for a family of my own.  I have had the same note on my to do list for TWO MONTHS: Pick up wedding photo USB.

I haven’t stopped to get and enjoy my own freaking wedding photos.  I want to make them into a simple, but beautiful photo book that we can page through.  I want to complete our thank you notes! Yes! They exist!  We have filled out about 20/100.  They’ll only be like 6 months late….

So currently my graduate school application is complete for all but one piece.  The personal statement declaring why I want to go to grad school (plus many other relevant points that I won’t summarize here).  But honestly, right now I don’t know if I do want that.

I have to mention that writing this is terrifying.  I am so supported and encouraged by my loved ones.  Letters of recommendation are done for Heaven’s sake! I don’t want to let people down.  I don’t want to let myself down.

But I also don’t want to push myself to the point of exhausted frustration, and that’s what I’m really worried about.

So what do I do?  Maybe complete the application, allow myself to rest after and decide then.

I may not get in.

I may feel rested after a summer off of school and feel totally ready to embark on a new Edventure (new word, adventure in education!).

I may be going through fear of change.

I may by hyper-distracted by my lovely ovaries and this need to have and hold a little babe is distracting me from my other goals.

I may be a lot of things.

I am definitely confused.  So what to do.

For now, I’m going to go to the bathroom.  I’m writing this at a coffeeshop and I don’t want to leave my computer and stuff at the table, so I’ve REALLY been postponing a needed visit to the ladies #myeyeballsareswimming .

After that, I’m just not sure.  But I do know that I feel better after getting bit of my overthinking out.  Thanks guys.

I hope you are all able to go out and enjoy whichever beautiful day it is when you’re reading this.

Courtney

Sunday Morning Gratitude

God bless Sundays.  They are so beautiful.

Here is a little list of joy I’m experiencing.  I hope you all are filled with love and contentment too.

  1.  waking up to puppy kisses (and digging and jumping and attempts at reaching my brain via my nose with her crazy long puppy tongue 😆
  2. the 52 lists project by Moorea Seal.  a lovely friend got this for me and it is rocking my list-loving world
  3. snowfall.  does anything else feel more peaceful?  well.  maybe not if you run a snowplow business or you are in active labor and need to high tail it to the hospital or you have a white cat who likes to escape.
  4. delicious frittata!  the word frittata #1 sounds silly (tata, hello), but #2 also kind of sounds fancy as hell.  and I made one! and it was delicious!
  5. tech-savvy boyfriend. we are now connected with an apple music family plan and it is awesome!  I can listen to this song on repeat now, thank goodness                         
  6. games.  not the high school “I dont play games” relationship tag line (spoiler alert, anyone that says that is lying, we are all super crazy) (also, while on this topic..kind of… whenever someone says “I don’t like drama, if you are about drama, stay away” you KNOW that person is more dramatic than the Phantom of the Opera, and that is DRAMA!)  (also, if a girl says something like “I just dont get along with other girls, I’m just usually one of the boys” just know that she crazy.  having girlfriends is one of the best things about being a girl, it is pure joy.  it is like someone saying “I just don’t like laughing until my stomach hurts, I prefer to be constantly stern”  would you relate to that person?  if so, LEAVE THIS BLOG RIGHT NOW! WHO DOESN’T LOVE LAUGHING UNTIL THEIR STOMACH HURTS?!?!).                                                                     …..Ahem.  ….anyways.  games are great.  we had a double date game brunch yesterday (so many stereotypes being played into i know, but you know it was straight up wonderful).  we played FunEmployed – the BEST!  you know when you play Cards Againsts Humanity so many times it just isn’t that funny anymore?  this is the perfect next game.  it is silly and up to each person to tell the story of what their cards mean, so it is everchanging in a way that CAH isn’t.
  7. travel plans.  making travel plans, or even just thinking of making travel plans is soooo fun.  there are endless dreams to be pursued and adventures to explore.  just thinking about it makes my heart a little fluttery
  8. Autocorrect.  oh man. this can give me a real giggle.  imagine if we just didn’t correct autocorrect.  madness.
  9. school.  now imma be real real rightaboutnow.  I just about have CONSTANT access to further education.  I can think of 10-20 different ways I can access education or learn something new.  BUT do you think I am always so psyched to do so? nope.  instead, I am looking at all of the new things I can use the internet for (mewgaroo hoodie oggling for example).  but when I sit back and think about it, what a huge gift and a blessing is it that not only I can choose to pursue education, but I am supported by system after system in my life (employer tuition reimbursement, access to financial aid, present faculty members, encouraging friends and family, a society that supports this idea).  those are pretty big deals.  now I know that the big thing now is to be like “I stand with Malala.”  and I do.  but i think i need to also SIT with Malala.  I need to sit, study, and take advantage of what has been (undeservedly) given to me.  I need to use my gifts to help others and make the world a better place.  so I’m going to #standwithmalala #sitwithmalala and #studywithmalala BOOM. gimme dat highlighter, i am ready!
  10. coffee.  because we all know this stuff is not getting done without it.

Sunday Morning Gratitude

Good Morning Adventurers!

I have been thinking of this little corner of the internet lately and thought it high time I reunite with writing.  What better way to restart than with a good ‘ole Sunday Morning Gratitude list!

1.  Sundays.  I work many weekends, but I am off this Sunday and it is so nice!  It is sunny and beautiful.  I love the peace of the morning, where my day is full of the potential of all of the things I may do.   I may not do them all (in fact probably not most), but I love just sitting in the possibility.

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2.  Springtime birds.  I love waking up to the sound of birds singing.  Where my Dad lived growing up, there were a ton of birds, and their little songs just bring me back to peaceful, carefree mornings.

3.  Cashew Butter.  This stuff man.  So good.  I like the Trader Joe’s salted cashew butter and Once Again organic cashew butter.  They both taste so dreamy! Here is the link for the Once Again kind on Amazon http://smile.amazon.com/Once-Again-Nut-Butters-16-Ounce/dp/B005H90IHY/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1429463136&sr=8-2&keywords=once+again+cashew+butter

4. Family time.  Whether its face to face or FaceTime, I love it.  It is grounding and loving.

5. YouTube.  I have been getting hooked on silly YouTube videos lately.  Beauty guides, product reviews, random chit chat.  I swear, how did I not know about this stuff?! I think I’m going to do another post about my favorite channels to watch.

6. Fun friend time. I have had some pretty lovely adventures with my girlfriends the past two months, here is a little window of the glamour that ensued…

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Classy. I know.  But how can you not do a fart pose with a smoke bomb?!?!

7. School!  Specifically the statistics class I am in right now.  After working full time for a couple of years, it is refreshing to be in the more black and white world of a classroom.  Working hard leads to clear results of a good grade.  The professional world is much more mercurial than that.  Often times, we are working for the long game, hoping that the effort we put in will lead to positive results way down the road.  Yes, there are many aspects of nursing that are more immediately gratifying, but there is something simple and nice about getting a clear cut good grade on something.  Ahhh, nerdiness.  Plus, what an amazing gift it is that I CAN go to school.  I have access to education, resources to pursue it, the ability to follow through.  I can walk to school and succeed without persecution, without fearing my personal safety, and confident that the only thing that stands between me and my education is myself.  That is a HUGE blessing and gift in my opinion.

8. Sweet Zo.  This girl.  She is just a constant bundle of love.  I will never stop being grateful for her.

I’m stopping at eight today, even though the amount of things I am grateful for is truly infinite.  As infinite as my possibilities for this beautiful day.  Maybe yoga? Maybe Trader Joe’s? Maybe a second cup of coffee?!!?!

Happy Sunday friends

❤ Courtney

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23. learn to change a tire

Yeah I did!  I learned big time!

A couple of weeks ago, I went camping in Yosemite and while driving home, I got to talking to my Dad about this very list!  I told him a handful of items I could remember (30 things is a lot to think up on the fly, particularly when you are already distracted by the excessive number of itchy mosquito bites you have ALL OVER).

He thought it sounded interesting and offered to teach me how to change a tire.  So yesterday, I headed over to his house, got my hands dirty, and changed a tire!!!

People, it was wonderful.

Seriously, it was so nice, I could get teary-eyed about it.  Yes.  I know.  How do you know you are a cryer?  When thinking about changing a tire makes you sentimental….

I got to spend time with just me and my Dad.  I could tell he was excited to teach me something and I realized that I was really excited to learn.  Crouching down next to his car, listening to all of his tips about navigating car maintenance, I felt good.  I felt like the loving, kind daughter I want to be.  And this may seem out of place in a post about changing a tire, but it is what happened.  I got to listen to my Dad and respect his knowledge.

We worked on the car together and after successfully jacking it up (literally, not in the way that I ruined anything) and removing the tire: we cleaned the brakes, checked the rotors, compressed the brake cylinder, changed the two brake pads, and put the tire back on!!!

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HOO-RAHH!!!

You know when cars make that horrendous screeching sound while braking?  My Dad taught me about the little metal tab that sticks out  on the brake pads that does that!  He said that if that sound starts up, it is like a warning sound that your pads are getting low.  On the ones we changed, the pads still had about a quarter of an inch of pad left soooo, it does NOT mean that the pads are totally worn and the metal on the pad is gouging your rotor with each press of the brake pedal!  Mind bomb.

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Now of course, if your car is screeching, check your own pads and rotors to make sure that is what is going on.  I don’t want anyone to be like ‘its cool, I read in a blog once that my brakes are totes fine…’ then something awful happens.  So get acquainted with your car, work with someone who knows what they are doing, and get it checked out by someone experienced / trained.

Today, I feel better knowing how to change my tires, should the need occur.  I will save on Triple A and feel better when I am driving through areas with no cell reception / a dead phone.  Because Murphy’s Law knows that if my tire is going to blow, it would totally be in Po-Dunk, Nevada right next to a scary meth den.  And no one wants to knock on that door for help.

I am loving doing things on this list.  I have a few more posts to add – it has been a busy Summer!!!  Had I not set out to learn how to change a tire, I would have never spent that time with my Dad and gained from his experience like I did.

Oh, and Zo came too!

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Look at her sweet face in her little car seat!  I can’t handle it!!!!

Have a great day!  Fix your car!  Cuddle your pup!

Courtney

my dad

Because of my Dad I have webbed toes.  Two webbed on each foot, just like him.

Because of my Dad I love camping.  Being outside makes me feel more free and more myself.

Because of my Dad I bargain hunt.  I love looking into the clearance shelves and trying to find something cool. One time I found a microwave.

Because of my Dad I try to have empathy for people I don’t know.  Some people aren’t forthcoming with their histories and that’s okay.

Because of my Dad I believe in second, third, and fourth chances.  If something is worth it, it is worth going back for.

My Dad and I drink coffee the same (excessively) we play BananaGrams the same (competitively) and we love each other the same (a lot).  Of course I get frustrated with him.  I tell him things like ‘get to the point’ and ‘ugh’.  But I love him and I am glad that he’s my Dad.

What finishing Nursing School feels like…

Sunshine, dancing, smiles, puppy cuddles, joy, gratitude.

My heart is full right now.

Yesterday was my final day of my nursing program.  All that is left is an award’s ceremony, my Pinning ceremony (which is a special nursing graduation), then take my licensing exam sometime in June!

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It feels like just yesterday I was sitting in my nursing program’s new student orientation.  I thought about all of the reasons why I could NEVER do this.  Why I would surely fail.  What my plan D would be, since obviously A, B, and C were going into the toilet.  I struggled with believing in myself, but thankfully I didn’t need to.

I didn’t need to believe in myself every second because I had help.  Most importantly, I have had God.  From the moment I thought about doing this HUGE CHANGE (I have a degree in Journalism people), I prayed about it.  I asked for guidance and support.  I prayed that God’s will would be done in my life and I prayed that I would be guided to do what I am supposed to.

I spent dozens of mornings sitting in my car, ready to walk into an exam or the hospital for a clinical rotation.  I would get there early to have a quiet moment to myself.  These few minutes let me breathe, pray, be grateful, and ask for guidance and help.  I asked that God stay with me, with my patients, and that I would be the best Courtney I could be.  I am so grateful.

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I also had you rooting for me.  Each time my self doubt popped up, I had people surrounding me with love and support.  When I didn’t believe in myself, I leaned on the belief in me from family and friends.  I could borrow their faith in me that I could do this.  And I did.

I think it took a village to raise this nursing student.  I am the sum total of all the countless hugs, kind words, and unconditional love I have received up to this point.  I can only hope to share the same kindness and compassion with my patients, that has been given to me.

Three years ago I decided to do this.  I had the tiniest piece of my heart telling me I should go for it.  Each time I tried to do anything else, it was hard.  It was torture to even think about working in another field.  I kept coming back to nursing and I finally acted on it.  I am so glad I listened to my heart.  I am so grateful to be where I am today, to have stayed true to myself, and to get to live the results of my hard work.

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I know that starting in this profession will be another challenge; each day will be full of fast-paced learning and immense responsibility.  But I know I can do it.  I have God, my loved ones, and myself.  I can just take each day, one at a time, pray and do my best.

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But for now, I’m going to celebrate.